What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
11.06.2025 04:43
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Do girls ever miss their first love?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Im still living with it.
Would this be the day?
I don,t even have a pension.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Resident Evil surprise return announced by PlayStation - GAMINGbible
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I will be 64.
It was going to be , some day.
Disney lays off hundreds of employees across film, TV and other units - CBS News
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He knew the spot.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Is it right to visit any shrine or tomb in Islam?
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
So whats the point in blame.
One cannot live in the past .
Raw Milk Is Trending — Here's Why Doctors Are Seriously Concerned - BuzzFeed
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Can you write a short story with a twist ending?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
How airline fees have turned baggage into billions - BBC
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She loved him until the end.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
What would be the lowest score with 9 strikes and no gutter balls?
Ive learnt so much.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Will norovirus surge early again this year? CDC urges tracking of new strain. - CBS News
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
What are some signs he is deeply in love with you?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Scientists Just Found the Oldest Barred Spiral Galaxy – And It’s a Monster - SciTechDaily
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I was seconnd youngest,
I waited trembling.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And i lived it daily.
Put me off passion for life!!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
What did i know ?
When she asked me how she looked .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I was scared of men, in general
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I have no regrets .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Who then, do I blame.?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Comes on , in middle age.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We were not on the streets..
Was to survive, this bastard.
I think the readers, may guess!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She married twice! .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Especially a lifetime of it.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My life is so biszare .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I said to her
But, we were locked up after school.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He resisted the act ,that day.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
So, i spoilt her more .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But it wasn’t much.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But ive been too sick for many years..
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I was 9 years of age.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She found it foreign!.
All the time i was locked up.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I write beautiful poetry .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My family never makes their pension either.
She wouldn,t have been !
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I couldn’t, believe it.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She was in good health!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I could never make a relationship work though!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
This is soul school!.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I was very sick at this time too.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
We all went to grammer schools
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.